• Carol Dumsday

Falling out of love

Change of pace, something both light and heavy that has touched all our lives … human love relationships.

Before our work day started and we were driving to get a cup of coffee, I turned to my daughter and asked her why she thought people fall out of love. Without hesitating, she turned to me a said there are two reasons people fall out of love …

The first reason is a soul contract has ended and the second reason is we stop trying to win over our partner. Really insightful, and our conversation continued over coffee and revealed some real truths about the heart and love relationships.

Experiencing raw human relationships is about as chaotic and turbulent as it can be, how do we calm the waters and enjoy the ride as we sail through uncharted waters to unknown lands. Some fall in love often. Some are addicted to this feeling, those euphoric and enchanting days. This is not sustainable and our human bodies would start to float far from our purpose.

So we find someone we are drawn to, and we make a decision to commit to a love relationship, we dive in bravely because as we know, and in the famous words of Jack Kornfield “Love is not for the faint hearted”.

Every day we make a choice to be in our relationship. The key is to keep working at it, never take for granted the love you have. Because when we do this, and we are focusing or prioritising on other aspects of our life — we’ll turn around one day and the love will be gone. All that is left is remnants of what was, a shadow of the life you dreamed of. It’s heartbreaking, it’s devastating, particularly when the family faces the anxiety of this silent conversation.

But when we work at a relationship, and if both people are committed and love each other, amazing things can happen. It’s a two way stream. When we wake up each morning and think how can I win over my partner today, not much can go wrong. What can go right is that the love grows, deepens, intensifies so that doing the relationship becomes easier. Much like driving a car, in the beginning we need to concentrate of every process. From starting the car, putting the car into gear, pulling off and steering the car, when to use our indicators and when to brake. So it is with human love connections, when we put in the hours and practice our relationship becomes smoother and enjoyable.

My daughter and I agreed that when you see an older couple walking down the beach holding hands, that didn’t happen by chance — that was meeting each other consistently and continuously along their unique paths and winning over the hearts of each other.

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